I'm really trying to slow things down. Literally taking days between tasks rather than jumping up to them, and I think it's helpful? The things that I am doing daily are the things that I think I have room for each day. Mostly it's just reading, since I'd greatly prefer to stick my face in a book rather than on my phone scrolling TikTok. Here's a couple of things I did since I last updated.
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I finished But What If We're Wrong? - Like mentioned previously it helped form a lot of questions in my head that I think have value for growing one's perspective. The better part of my life has been spent fighting my own insecurities and anxiety, so asking “what if I'm wrong?” isn't something that's unfamiliar to me. I don't even really ask a lot of the time, I just assume I'm wrong and work on finding certainty that I'm right (and honestly, I think this is a great way to exist in the world). Some of the pieces that I consider valuable learning for my perspective is how things I came to know as absolute truth became ensconced in the accepted worldview. Really pulling away the layers of how history transforms stories into fact on a long enough continuum kind of softens some deeply held beliefs or certainties. Chuck did a fantastic job identifying (what I consider) core cultural beliefs at our present time, highlighting why they're so ingrained, and challenging where the point they'll fall apart in the future might stem from. It's very easy for me to recommend this book. Give it a read.
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After I finished that book I started a novel called Everyone In This Room Will Someday Be Dead by Emily Austin. It's been a really fun read that I'm about halfway through. (I also updated my reading page.)
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I went to two Asian Night Markets for copious amounts of food in Ottawa. They weren't as good as they were last year, but still had a good time with my partner and a couple of friends. Continuing the social butterfly lifestyle, I also met up for drinks at a brewery in Ottawa with a couple of friends I hang out with monthly. Good conversations were had. And I fell in love with a painting of a bear.
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This morning I went to a bookstore and found nothing other than anxiety creeping in. Deciding my day was best spent in near isolation I started heading to a florist for some fresh flowers and decided I wanted to go to Swiss Chalet for lunch. The food was great, but I was seated in a booth beside two older (I'm thinking 50-60 year old) white men sprouting misogyny and vitriol about the younger generations. As I finished my meal I was trying to psych myself up to confront them on their flat out abhorrent points of views, and the fact that they so openly profess them, but chickened out at the last minute. I feel really shitty about this. To anyone not identifying as a man, I'm sorry people like this exist in the world and that I (and others) haven't found the courage to confront their views every time we hear them. It's really weighing on me that I didn't say anything, despite knowing it most likely would've landed on deaf ears.
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Then I got flowers, and with great shame, came home, apologized to my partner, split up the bouquet to go in two places, and came down to start writing.
Oh, I also relocated two mice that showed up yesterday. We did a lot of work in the backyard this weekend and I think we disrupted some of the brush they'd been hanging out in, and decided to make attempts on my life while I slept. Shout out to Brodie for keeping me safe, and to Little Girl for not quite being a war criminal torturing someone in captivity.
That's it.
Take the best care, and please tell a man he's wrong about something the next chance you get. I'd love to hear about it if you do.
<3 flurp