I've been finding myself feeling a bit shitty the last 36 hours or so. I can't say it's been mounting, but it's definitely progressed noticeably during that time frame. On the surface I think I'm disappointed in myself for the way I spent my time over the last few weeks. While being away from work and having time to slow down my life was great, it still feels like an opportunity wasted.
Like I mentioned yesterday, I started some writing, but don't think I'll get back to it until tomorrow at the earliest (given how late in the day it is today – :shakes_fist_at_dentist_appointment:). To try to bolster my mood I took some edibles and resumed my Pac-Man Lego set as the replacement piece I needed came in the mail while I was out today. I can't imagine I'm going to be productive after dinner beyond likely playing some video games or continuing on with it.
Just one of those ruts, you know? I'm considering this update the victory for today. Tomorrow I'll continue to feel disappointed in myself about the output.
I'm going to take a few minutes to try to kick myself into a positive space, so bear with me as I list off things I feel good about having done during this intermission.
- Went to NYC and saw a bunch of Manhattan for a weekend. Took in a Broadway show that was hilarious, got lots of exercise and time spent outdoors, and some great days with my partner. On its own, I think that'd be a great month.
- I set out at the start of this month with a goal of writing a fucking lot, and I think that I have done just that, regardless of if I feel like I haven't gotten enough out there. The document I keep track of my intermission progress is a whopping 7500 words at this point, and that doesn't include things like World of Lines, or The Broken.
- I've read two books during this time, and am well on the way to completion of a third. Given some upcoming travel time I'm sure I'll get through at least another 2 books before I go back to work.
- I slowed down, for no reason other than the fact that I wanted to. Some mornings I just went back to bed. Some days I just played video games or read outside (thinking now, the shitty weather the last couple of days has felt like a drag and might be impacting my mood more than I recognize).
- I had a couple of good conversations with people riffing on my MerchTable idea. I've not gotten as far with them as I'd like, but I'm pleased to have at least taken that step.
I don't want to grasp at straws to try to make myself feel like I've done something, and there are still more things on the go and upcoming (trip to see friends and family, revisiting the conversations and charity researching) that I could add to this list when it's all said and done. So those points will have to do for the sake of being a bit more positive with myself than I have been in the last couple of days. I'll continue feeling down, I'm sure, but that's also ok.
Thanks for being here with me.
<3 flurp