I never actually saw the movie This Is 40, despite being a fan of Judd Apatow, and having typically watched his movies from around this time in my life. It also stars Paul Rudd alongside Leslie Mann, Jason Segel, Melissa McCarthy, and Apatow's daughters (to name the top billed cast according to Google). On paper it actually seems like something I would enjoy, and likely would have then. It wasn't a direct sequel to Knocked Up (although it follows characters introduced in it), and it didn't come with the same kind of slapstick comedy schtick that The 40-Year-Old Virgin did, which may be why I didn't put much effort forth to see it. With that in mind, however, it's worth noting that any clips I've seen are hilarious, and I could absolutely see myself enjoying the movie now, assuming it didn't age poorly alongside my own advancement to the age of its main characters.
The reason for my abstention is more likely to have been due to the fact that I was only 28 when it came out. At that age the nearest age-based, existential crisis was the looming threat of turning 30; with 40 still mentally assigned to “old people”, an unfathomable length of time away. The fear of maturation, I believe, is still a prevailing cultural narrative. We allow ourselves to dread growing older, often to our detriment, clinging senselessly to youth at the expense of genuine growth into adulthood.
I often reflect on the versions of myself that have coalesced into the one I share with you now. I do my best to extend compassion, and to accept the decisions made as the best possible, given the information and experience I had at the time. I think this is a good approach, and often softens the harsh judgements of myself and others in the present. But I do wish I could share some of the things I've picked up along my journey to the version of myself turning 30 -- the one that feared growth, clung to youthful ignorance, and maintained a stubborn certainty in all things that, with the benefit of hindsight, clearly stunted my personal growth and provided very little.
Here are some things I wish I could tell myself 10 years ago.
You'll never feel a certain age. You'll only ever feel like a more complete version of yourself.
The idea that once we reach a certain age we will feel or must behave in a certain way, while (usually) facetious, affixes an expectation that simply isn't real. It can be easy to look at this mindset and recognize that it's not true, but the more we share it, the more we give ourselves the opportunity to succumb to it.
The things you have fucked up will continue to wear on you less and less. You can expedite that feeling.
By the time you've turned 30 the chances are high you've got regrets. Relationships, education, career, family, etc. Each one of these begins to take root in our 20s, and by the time you turn 30 you may already have a few fuck ups under your belt. Unless they're still ongoing, how strongly you feel their consequences on you as an individual will diminish. Take the lessons that serve you and let the feelings fade behind you. Eventually you'll view your fuck ups simply as things you experienced and learned from, nothing more.
You're not done fucking up -- and it's not too late to.
30 isn't a magical age where you wake up as an adult and any choices you make are automatically correct and immutable. The decisions you make, even well intentioned, can still go wrong. That doesn't mean you shouldn't make them. Take chances. Accept failure. You still have time to move forward and do everything I mentioned above.
The only fuck up you can't come back from, that will stick with you until the end, is one you can't live with when you make it. This is true at any age.
A healthy body will feel better with a healthy mind.
The remnants of your physical youthfulness are easily taken for granted if you struggle with your sense of self, emotional stability, or are uncomfortable in your own head. Take care to nurture your mental health as you continue to age. Learn, create, and cultivate a healthy mind. Seek opportunities for emotional growth. It'll be easier and more enjoyable to reap the rewards of physical fitness over these years if you're mentally and emotionally fit as well.
A healthy mind will feel better with a healthy body.
Each of us can point to a handful of things about our physical bodies we wish we could change. What may have come easy to maintain in youth, lessens with age. Work to improve and maintain your physique and fitness throughout these years. The functions of your mind are improved by the quality of your physical care. The behaviour your body had offered in your 20s will start to fade. Treat it well and you'll find it a boon to your mind as you continue to grow.
In 10 years I'll turn 50. The opportunities offered, and choices I'll make on my journey to get there are unknown to me, just as those ahead of me were when I turned 30. The experiences you'll have may feel large in the moment, bearing exceptional consequences, whether positive or negative, regardless of your age. But in a long enough time frame they won't feel that way when you look back in reflection.
As I sit here with you, now 40 years old, having decades of regrets and triumphs, countless moments of joy and misery, let's keep this in mind: We can stand strong during hardship. We can crumble during accomplishments. We share the exhilarating opportunity of experiencing life. Let's not allow our age to dictate our feelings about it.
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